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Luck never leaves me. Every single time I have flown this year, I have been selected for the extra special screening at the security gate. I know that it mainly has to do with the fact that I purchase my tickets within ten days from the actual flight date, since the deals are just too good to pass up on when Travelocity emails me with the travel saver emails.

Here's my issue, if I always get selected for the extra special screening when I purchase my tickets within the ten day window, well, don't terrorists know that too? Are they still buying one-way tickets with cash and arriving at the airports with no luggage?

The last time I flew up to NYCity, the TSA screeners at DCA recognized me from my tattoos. That's just sad that as infrequently as I fly (maybe six times a year), I get remembered because I get to strip so much.

When I flew down to Miami from MCO, I beeped as I passed the security gate and a really cute Rican TSA agent asked me to go back and remove all the metal from my pockets. I respectfully declined and pointed out the four dollar symbols circled in red ink on the bottom of my boarding pass ... subtle.

"You're going check every inch of my body anyway, so why bother?"

I was asked to step to the line on the right and much to my displeasure, the cute Rican sent another TSA agent to do the padding down. Darn. I beeped and had to pull out my wallet. I beeped again and had to pull out my pen. I beeped yet again and took off my belt. I beeped again and wondered whether I had my cock ring on ... phew, it was my cell phone.

I now give myself more time for the screening when I go to the airport and have started looking into the wonders of plastic everything.