miami ... again
Last year we tried to go to Orlando to celebrate my father’s 65th birthday but a hurricane beat us to the airport and we couldn’t fly down. Those tickets expired on Saturday, so we decided to head down to Miami for a quick weekend getaway.
US Airways ... what the fuck ... they must have a really low “turn” rate because the stewardesses on the first leg were all in the late forties (and not so hot). I was looking forward to the next leg from Charlotte to Miami, but was disappointed to find that these three stewardesses were even older. The one woman in coach was rather “mannish” and kept bumping into all the passengers on the aisle seats with her huge ass, the man in coach looked like he’d be more comfortable in a mariachi outfit, and the old queen in first class was ... well ... an old queen. They did nothing to fuel my “mile high club” fantasies. The airport in Charlotte is kind of quaint with its rocking chairs.
Tattoos & Piercings – On the plane ride down, I decided to get a tattoo. I went to Tattoos by Lou (who’s dead now), and talked to an unmotivated artist about getting one that afternoon. Not sure how this business survives because no one there seemed to care whether I got one or not. I presented what I wanted and the piercer proceeded to tell me how it would be much better if I did "this and that" and "blew it up" and placed it on my back instead of my forearm. No thanks. Let’s just stick with my plan since I get to wear it for the rest of my life. Brian did a lovely job, but I think I may look for another artist for my next piece (as soon as you get one, you want another one immediately). Picture to follow. After hanging out in the parlor from four until eight, I started understanding why they were a bit unmotivated. “I’d like to get JOSE tattooed on my back in Chinese characters.” I just about fell out of my seat; I had no idea there were so many Joses running around China? My Honey, in the most uncharacteristic thing he’s ever done, got both his nipples pierced. I’m ambivalent about it since he never lets me play with them anyway.
Boing – Sound effect from someone’s Jeep truck as a hot girl crossed the street. I chuckled for a few blocks.
Metrosexuals – This is a sad admission, but the straight men in Miami are much hotter than the gay men. There were some A-List fags around, but the straight men were everywhere and they were fabulously primped and plumed. It was hard to tell who was and who wasn’t. After a while, I just assumed everyone was straight.
Europeans - Many Germans and Italians boys out and about. If they are the trendsetters many claim them to be ... the future is scary. Look for slim fit pants and mullets to be the rage (I did dig their shoes).
N word – While walking on Ocean Drive (why do we do this, we fucking hate it) a car passed us with the following lyrics blaring from his basstastic speakers: “The nigger asked me to .... The Nigger asked me to ... The Nigger asked me to ...” My Honey says, “I hate that.” I says, “Rap’s about the only place you hear that word now.” My Honey then says, “No, not Nigger. I hate when they say ax!”
Friends - I was looking forward to hanging out with Mike from South Africa, who I met in Puerto Rico, while he lived in New York, but now lives in Fort Lauderdale. He’s BEE-YU-TEE-FUL. Unfortunately he was NYCity for the weekend. Ran into previous trick Ivan (Rican) in Twist and damn, he looked good! He gained almost twenty pounds of muscle. Also ran into previous trick Bartender Rob and damn he looked good! He has great set of Japanese tattoos across his shoulders (I wonder if the Japanese have characters for JOSE?). Ran into previous trick Andres (Colombian) and damn he looked good. He looked so good that I didn’t get back to the hotel until four the next day. (Did I tell you how much I love my non-monogamous Honey?)
Twist - It’s over ... it was sleazy and hot, and now it’s just sleazy and butt fuck ugly. The best thing about Twist was the six-foot-eight, transvestite, security guard. She had big boobs and long luxurious blonde hair (and a dick). Don’t mess with that bitch, she was scary.
Beach Plaza Hotel – If you’re going to Miami, stay here. Rooms aren’t huge, but the hotel is clean, well run, and the staff is super friendly. They recognized us from previous visits and upgraded us to a suite (not sure what the difference was from my previous rooms, other than this room had a walk in closet) but it was sweet. Harold and Kumar must have taken the room next to us because we buzzing on some serious contact high.
US Airways – You might not believe me, but on the flight back, the stewardess in coach was celebrating her 37th year with US Airways. Does anyone ever fucking quit or get fired at US Airways? There was some kind of medical emergency during the flight and they placed a call for medical personnel. I would have gone up to help, but I didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express.
"It rubs the lotion on the skin."
I have to go ...
US Airways ... what the fuck ... they must have a really low “turn” rate because the stewardesses on the first leg were all in the late forties (and not so hot). I was looking forward to the next leg from Charlotte to Miami, but was disappointed to find that these three stewardesses were even older. The one woman in coach was rather “mannish” and kept bumping into all the passengers on the aisle seats with her huge ass, the man in coach looked like he’d be more comfortable in a mariachi outfit, and the old queen in first class was ... well ... an old queen. They did nothing to fuel my “mile high club” fantasies. The airport in Charlotte is kind of quaint with its rocking chairs.
Boing – Sound effect from someone’s Jeep truck as a hot girl crossed the street. I chuckled for a few blocks.
Metrosexuals – This is a sad admission, but the straight men in Miami are much hotter than the gay men. There were some A-List fags around, but the straight men were everywhere and they were fabulously primped and plumed. It was hard to tell who was and who wasn’t. After a while, I just assumed everyone was straight.
N word – While walking on Ocean Drive (why do we do this, we fucking hate it) a car passed us with the following lyrics blaring from his basstastic speakers: “The nigger asked me to .... The Nigger asked me to ... The Nigger asked me to ...” My Honey says, “I hate that.” I says, “Rap’s about the only place you hear that word now.” My Honey then says, “No, not Nigger. I hate when they say ax!”
Friends - I was looking forward to hanging out with Mike from South Africa, who I met in Puerto Rico, while he lived in New York, but now lives in Fort Lauderdale. He’s BEE-YU-TEE-FUL. Unfortunately he was NYCity for the weekend. Ran into previous trick Ivan (Rican) in Twist and damn, he looked good! He gained almost twenty pounds of muscle. Also ran into previous trick Bartender Rob and damn he looked good! He has great set of Japanese tattoos across his shoulders (I wonder if the Japanese have characters for JOSE?). Ran into previous trick Andres (Colombian) and damn he looked good. He looked so good that I didn’t get back to the hotel until four the next day. (Did I tell you how much I love my non-monogamous Honey?)
Beach Plaza Hotel – If you’re going to Miami, stay here. Rooms aren’t huge, but the hotel is clean, well run, and the staff is super friendly. They recognized us from previous visits and upgraded us to a suite (not sure what the difference was from my previous rooms, other than this room had a walk in closet) but it was sweet. Harold and Kumar must have taken the room next to us because we buzzing on some serious contact high.
US Airways – You might not believe me, but on the flight back, the stewardess in coach was celebrating her 37th year with US Airways. Does anyone ever fucking quit or get fired at US Airways? There was some kind of medical emergency during the flight and they placed a call for medical personnel. I would have gone up to help, but I didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express.
"It rubs the lotion on the skin."
I have to go ...
1 comment:
your's is without doubt one of my favorite and most entetaining blogs I read. But I want more (real life) pictures, because I'm an illiterate fuck. Kidding. I read quite well since I was 4, but I still love looking at the pictures.
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