a little r&r

My Honey decided that he wanted to try and vacation alone for the first time. He arrived in South Beach the previous Friday and had a few days of fun but then it didn't take. By Tuesday, he was feeling lonely, so he called me and asked me to check airfares for the next day. I was extremely lucky to find a roundtrip flight for only $231. The timing was perfect because I really needed something to break the monotony of not working - I needed some R&R from the R&R. I was only there for three days, but we had a great time together slacking, shopping, and shagging.

Wednesday – Caught the first flight out of National (Chris Matthews made fun of me for refusing to call it Reagan) and was very pleased to have an empty seat next to me. Kicked back and finished up Sarah Vowell’s Take the Cannoli while listening to Diana Krall’s Frim Fram Sauce, over and over. As I walked over to baggage check, I noticed many lesbians in the terminal. I guess the 6 AM flight is too early for the boys.

My honey booked a room at the Beach Plaza on 14^th and Collins but was upgraded to a suite in the neighboring Brigham Gardens at no extra cost for being patient during the hectic check in hour (a semi loaded with furniture arrived during this time and the manager was the only person working the front area at the time). The three impatient college girls behind my Honey were miffed when their request to be upgraded was met with a firm no.

After banana pancakes at the Front Porch, we headed straight to the gay beach to work on our tans. I’m dark but feel more comfortable in my skin when darker. The beach consisted of many cute young boys in small bikinis, older locals winning the battle against age, and lots of boobies ... lots and lots of boobies. I’m used to seeing the occasional topless fruit fly or German tourist but never a bevy of boobies like this. I asked my Honey, “Is it me, but aren’t there a lot of Lesbians in town?” He didn’t seem to think so and chocked it up to Lloyd’s Midget Theory (they’re always around but we just don’t see them).

Afterward, we headed to the Palace Food Bar for drinks, walked down Collins to check out the fashions, and met up with my brother, Sharif and his girlfriend, Joanna at the Lincoln Road Cafe for Cuban delights ... we were all very disappointed. We napped for a few hours and went to Trick ... er ... Twist for drinks and flirting.

Thursday – Pretty much did the same things as yesterday. I really hate the expression, “it’s a small world” but, as I sat down on the sand to eat take out from Sum Yum Gai (good food - really lame website), I noticed a familiar face. Sunning in front of me in a mighty packed thong was my favorite homeless guy from DC. Yes, I have one, doesn’t everyone? He recognized me and came over to chat for a few minutes. He was down for the winter and was contemplating whether he would return to DC. I thought the decision was easy but kept my opinion to myself ... until I walk in those shoes.

There were even more Lesbians on the beach than yesterday. My Honey couldn’t understand why they were covering up today. My guess was that, yesterday, their exposed boobies were sun burned.

We were back in our hotel by 8 to watch the penultimate episodes of Survivor and The Apprentice (we are lame) but we would have been in the room anyway to take our disco nap before going out. Back to Twist for more beers and flirting. I met up with a “friend” from a previous trip. It was good touching ... er ... catching up with him.

Friday – Our last day. After a few hours of sleep, I headed to beach, but my Honey slept in until 1. I was minding my own business (checking out all the hot boys amidst the expanding sea of Lesbians, wtf) when I spotted another familiar face. I was pretty sure the hottie in the red bikini was a fellow blogger. I always feel like a dork when I initiate conversations but didn’t want to pass on the opportunity to say hello.

I walked over and tapped him on his shoulder and asked him if he was the EvilBuddha. He was, I gushed like an idiot, and then walked away quickly since he was hanging with friends (I assume his BF and Lesbian friends). I pointed Davis out to my Honey when he finally joined me on the beach. “Wow, it’s a small world,” he said. “Arrggghhhh, no, it’s not” I replied.

We had afternoon cocktails at Score before going to see Monster-in-Law at the Regal. Not sure if it was the booze, but we laughed our asses off. Jane Fonda owned this movie. I think J-Lo had a supporting role or something. My Honey spotted David Caruso, one of his kisses of death, just outside the theater.

We treated ourselves to a fantastic dinner at Sushi Samba while watching the endless parade of miniature breed dogs. We napped and then went back to Twist. Met up with the same “friend” as last night and we “caught up” some more in a very dark corner.

Saturday – We returned on different flights and, once again, I enjoyed an empty seat next to me (always choose a seat in the last few aisles). I had an hour layover in Raleigh and was treated to the following page, “Monica Milf, please meet your party at the baggage claim exit.” Reminded me of the time Susie met us in bag check holding a sign with the word faggots on it. Awe ... friends.

After reading EvilBuddha’s blog, I pointed out to my Honey that the Midget Theory did not apply since the vast number of Lesbians were actually in town for some circuit-type weekend (Aquagirl).